I have not posted anything for a while now. Believe me, it is such a struggle. I sit in front a blank paper or Text Document, lingering my fingers over the pen or keyboard. I just can not find anything that, lately, impresses me enough to type. For, I am in the process of being more lady like. I am terribly trapped between the fight of keeping a stiff upper lip and breaking one’s nose. On one hand I want to keep away my emotions, not like anyone bothers anyway, as on the the hand, my temper and patience loses control too quickly. Being a bipolar, I must say, this turns into a self-war. Because at a point, even one is not sure what they feel.
My current struggle being of not hating the people who ask how I am and trying to get back on track of writing. Awfully enough, I have noticed how nothing seems to put an effect on me. I do what I am asked and peoples words drop emotions before reaching my ears. I can not function in any sense. Lack of food, migraines. I, actually, can not cry or get angry. My enthusiasm for things died long before. All this going fading away only makes people question my doings, which sparks my anger the slightest. I just wish to be left with my book and medicines.
All in all, my greatest struggle right now is to bring back everything. To bring life in myself again. Not for or because of others, just for me.